TUNA: A LOVE STORY

WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ONE?


Well, it was published by Richard Ellis, one of our best-loved PISCATORIAL ADVOCATES, through Alfred A. Knopf of New York in 2008. I have to say, IT WASN'T WHAT I EXPECTED AT ALL.


CLIFFIE'S NOTES ON THIS PULSE-POUNDING PISCATORIAL POLEMIC:


>> Well, I have to say that in spite of the title, there was NOT A DROP OF ROMANCE IN THIS BOOK. Well, that's maybe not true -- Ellis expresses a sincere, but rather bloodless admiration for the Tuna several times in the course of the book, and he quotes some other authors who really raved about them, like Zane Grey (of all people).


>> But THE FACT REMAINS that most of the book is made up of facts, figures, and a VERY monkeycentric history of what might be called the Tuna Wars. The Tuna themselves are not involved at all. They swim in endless circles in underwater pens while the Naked Apes are in pitched battle to maintain control of, and sashimi rights to, the Bluefin, the Yellowfin, the Bonito, and a variety of other close relatives of these mighty operatives.


>> Ellis makes some wonderful points in here about Naked Ape recklessness and their profound confusion about, well, EVERYTHING. Rearing about the way the featherless bipeds TWIRL THEMSELVES RIGHT INTO THE GROUND is all that keeps me going some days. The section on the mercury poisoning of Tuna -- and, by extension, those they recruit through sandwiches and sashimi -- was wonderfully chilling, and the part about how people stuff their children with Tuna sandwiches because they think it's health food is wonderfully bracing. AND IF YOU ALL DIE OF MINAMATA DISEASE, I SAY GOOD RIDDANCE.

>> Another thing I noticed is the very, very limited natural history available to the Naked Apes about Tuna. OUR SECRETS APPEAR TO BE SAFE FOR THE MOMENT. The only possible breach I saw was the one about the Great White who entered a Tuna pen, swam in endless circles with the others for DAYS, and was evicted without eating a single Tuna. As usual, the shaved monkeys were utterly stumped by these events, but WE DON'T WANT THEM TO SEE US COOPERATING TOO OPENLY, LADIES.

So, overall, I recommend the book -- but romantic, it ain't.